Loose ends

I left loose ends at PSL.

The most important loose end is a patient who we admitted quite awhile ago. This patient has a rare disease with a very poor prognosis, and there were several times over the past month when we thought that he might pass away. I have observed with great interest the dynamics between the medical team and my patient's family and how those dynamics have impacted his process of dying.

I care very much for this patient. The last time I saw him awake, I held his hand to comfort him. There really wasn't anything else I could do to help. He looked up at me and whispered "Thank you." I could barely hear his words over the noise of the breathing machine and the mask over his mouth. The meaning was in his eyes. A single tear rolled down his cheek, and I caught it with my finger.

Then I squeezed his hand one last time and left. It was so much more difficult for me to leave him than to hold his hand.